Cut the shit and part your hair

Dear Mr. Seger,

Write a new song. Please.

I doubt that the god-fearing, apple pie lovin’, flag-bearing, buffalo-riding cowboys at Chevrolet would be opposed to blessing our great nation’s airwaves with your majestic voice once again. Please write a new song.

If I hear Mellencamp’s “This is Our Country” one more time, it might force me to choke a bald eagle… to death.

In their own defense, I understand that Chevy has much to compete with. The Ford F-150 paired with Toby Keith and his “Amerigasms” is a force to be reckoned with. In one hand they’ve got an enormous American-made automobile while in the other lies a man who shits red white and blue every day after his morning cup of premium gasoline and stack of Freedom Toast. Phew! Now that’s a heaping helping of America. Super Size, please!

But it doesn’t take blatant in-your-face over-the-top patriotism to sell a truck. Convincing Jeff and Jane America to buy a truck takes one thing and one thing only….. Giant Balls. Yes, balls sell trucks. Who wins the Super Bowl every year? That’s right, Balls wins every year. Who took your prom date home after you spent $300 on a damn flower and tuxedo? Balls did, that’s who. And who keeps your kitchen looking good as new? Is it Mr. Clean? Nope, it’s Mr. Balls. Balls balls balls.

So I challenge, nay, implore you, Mr. Seger, to bring balls back to advertising and pump red-hot blood back into this country’s fledgling Ameriboner. No more farms and family - only solid Red White and Blue balls.

I believe. I believe in you, Mr. Seger.

Love,

Jared W. M.
Founder, Silence The Cougar Initiative
Portland, Oregon in the U. S. of A.

To: Bob Seger
CC: His Silver Bullet Band

Here’s the idea, hopefully Cory and Josh can fill in more of the details, since it’s their idea. (Please!)

We could rent a boat for a weekend in Madras, Oregon - which is about 2 hours from Portland.

I also threw out the idea of a day or two of camping. We could do the camping either before or after the boat.

cove palisades marina

So speak your mind and tell us what you think.

Yes, it’s true.  Finally, my father Judd will make his 3rd appearance to the West Toast.  His first was a brave jaunt into an unknown world, where celebrity ruled, where I made out with a girl my own age on a Carousel.  With Val in tow, he braved a thicket of wildlife, a stream 4 inches deep, and caught a glimpse of the California coast’s magnificent sea bluffs.

A full year and a half later, with nothing more than a Snoopy t-shirt and Avia sneakers, he pumped his fists in joy as we met on the gritty streets of Seattle.

 And now I await his and Val’s arrival in Portland;  A city I truly believe is on their side, one that boasts opportunity for all, especially Title Insurance employees.  He will leave GAGE! and CRANE! in the office, and PALMER! and TOM’S MOBILE in the garage, and GENOCO’S and the BEV. CENTER in the distance, and ALDI’S and BOB and RUTH’S in his rear view mirror.

 Sure he’ll piss me off, and sure he and Cory will disappear for 10 hours and end up in some Saloon with only flip flops to fend off their captors, but he’s the guy that makes it okay, and okay for me. 

So go ahead Judd Shenkman, go ahead and check those pipes (whatever that means).

Here we have the PSA we created for Gizmodo. Cory and I took a little time to ourselves over the weekend and got down to the real issues.

Are you a sufferer? Let us know what you think!

Well, I did today! I’ve been getting a few too many wrong numbers lately, so I’m guessing that my number is reeeeeeally close to some other girl’s. Here’s the original message:

“lmoh this is marisa tell jessica that i have diahrrea and i will email her my paper so get her email address thanx”

And here’s my reply:

“Sorry you’ve got the runnnns, but you’ve also got the wrong number. Good luck on that paper. And toilet paper!”

And that’s the highlight of my day.

In 1988, Wellcraft released a 23ft, 454hp, Concept in place of their well known Scarab line. It was the only year that they did this, however its the only year that matters. On a clear calm day where the water on Canandaigua look like a sheet of glass stretching all the way to the purple dragon in the sky I could easily get up to around 60mph in it. Which for you non-boat people, thats Miami vice fast. I lost my virginity off the back of it, made love to three women in side the cubby, I think Josh had one down there… Payed over 5000 in dollars to my father in random damages i occurred over the years on it. Pissed off Jared one day with it. Raced countless suckers with it. The balls I have today were grown from the driver’s seat of that boat i tell ya. Its been gone now for a couple of years, yet i can still hear that low rumble that came from the back of it. If anyone has a picture of me in it, please let me know… I miss it dearly.

Wistrom to coach at southwest Missouri high school

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Grant Wistrom has done it all in his college and NFL careers, winning three national championships at Nebraska and a Super Bowl with the St. Louis Rams. Now he’s looking to add the title of “coach” to his football résumé, and he’s willing to start small.

Read the full story on ESPN

Another unearthed gem from Charleston 2005 - with many, many more to come.

Travis Henry’s Theme Song on Vimeo

Here’s another entry from the archives - this one is from Joshua almost three years ago back when he was in California.

——————————-

by Joshua Shenkman

july 2004

On a beautiful evening in July, I attended an art opening at the Santa Barbara Art Museum. Kristie’s friend, a grad student at UCSB, had a few exhibits in the show, one of which was a 50 ft. balloon - like a tent that was inflated on the front entrance of the building. The art inside. The art inside was interesting, as several paintings by artist Bo somebody hung on the walls. His images depicted a variety of landscapes that included bizarre events as its focal point. The characters in each piece seemed to glare right through you from their position, staring bleakly from the canvas with little expression. Eerie. The opening itself. The opening itself was a high class function with a suffocating amount of bronze-faced dwellers clinking together their $7 mango martinis. No wait that was me catching a glimpse of myself in one of the corridor mirrors. But seriously , it was fourth Friday at the Inn on the Lake, injected with 5,000 milligrams of Jeff Gordon’s pit crew. I tried complimenting everyone on their jewelry as they passed, but eventually I couldn’t handle anymore. I stepped outside. I stepped outside to the font stoops (my new art word for steps) and realized I had missed a call from Charles Parkhurst. Fortunately, there was a message, and I am never disappointed when he leaves me one. Speaking to him is another thing, but his messages shine like a Pinnacle 2 that just went through the ball washer at the Country Club.

The message:

Charles:

“CHUCK! CHUCK! This is your cousin Marvin! MARVIN BARRY! You know that new sound you’ve been looking for, WELL LISTEN TO THIS!!”

It was classic Charles. And it wa a classic line from Back to the Future that completely changed the outlook of my whole night. Seconds after hanging up my phone and inserting the phone into my phone pocket with my phone hand, I looked out onto the sidewalk and took particular interest in a man walking by. He noticed me. He noticed me watching him, staring into his soul like characters could in Bo somebody’s compositions, however, my bizarre event was in my wranglers. Taxi anyone!!! Christopher Lloyd slowly stepped by me, matching my gaze with his own trademark expression. I lifted my finger and raised my body from the ground ready to approach his space, his ‘thought galaxy’ if you will. Although Lloyd, as if it was a reprise of his role as Doctor Emmett Brown, spoke volumes with his eyes, evading me like he did George McFly in 1955. He put me into a trance of sorts as my finger lowered and my body again rested on the concrete stoops. Lloyd stayed his course traveling at 88 ft per minute for the remainder of his jaunt down State Street. I was amazed by the coincidence as I sat there in silence. No one else saw him in this way. I’d like to think that Christopher Lloyd acknowledged what happened in some form, but I truly believe he will never know the beauty of that moment.

it’s nice to see such a talent go to such a good use. I’m in china currently on business. Yesterday I was in a raft floating down a little river in the chun moon valley. found the good news while checking my email at the airport to hong kong. Found a pic of jared in a few years. just great.