Hot Tub Omellete!

Josh at the Sunoco “Fahita” Station

1993 Buick Skylark. Somebody photoshop a picture of me marrying that car.

Rugby Party

Kris Meola’s dad hates him

These pictures are for Adam Shane Lutwin, Chicken Parm Night, and his purple Buick Skylark 2 door…

Did somebody say Reiff Reunion? Free burgers and pitchers of Labatt Blue?

Where is that t-shirt now?

Look at that mop!

That cigar looks like a poop in Adam’s mouth…

This one’s for Wade - I told you I had a pic of me in that Rockies Jacket…and is that your Tide hat?

Much like the Scorpions once said, the winds of change are upon us, and the three J’s are breaking up. I’d like to first off, give a hearty thanks for being wonderful hosts on three separate occasions where I was able to visit for a decent amount of time. You guys made a really nice place even nicer, but all things must come to an end as this inevitably has.

3137 NE 70th Ave was built in 1962 to assuage the onrushing gold miners of the early 60’s. Portland grew as a city through its main export, carrots, and the expanding city limits were forced to grow with it. Its first owner was a young couple named Thor and Madge Hopkins. They had no children and hosted dozens of parties in the newly formed Vietnamese section of Portland, Oregon. They loved the beach boys and food processing and died minutes apart in their shared queen futon in 2005. 5 hours after their burial, two young men named Josh and Jared moved in, with a third, Cory, on his way. They weren’t gay, but close like gay men and straight women are. Lots of love and just the twinge of hope that someday a tickle fight might lead to a night of hot anal sex. Anyway, these three enjoyed a sweet time in a pretty nice house. I particularly enjoyed cleaning Josh’s jet black hairs out of the sink in order to make room for my toothbrush under the faucet. It’s cool man, I’m in the same boat…I also liked Cory’s $50 German straight razor that he probably shaved with twice and made sure to display in the bathroom during parties. Jared’s room was gigantic, and I loved waking up on a Tuesday at like 10 when all of them were at work because I’d sneak up to Jared’s Nintendo and finish a 30-life Contra game, beat the shit out of the Cardinals as the Mets in R.B.I and maybe quit Punch Out after the second Bald Bull but not before Soda Popinski, thus ending his Polock laugh that used to make me go insane when I was a kid. Fucking lefties. I would try on all of Cory’s shirts and see which one he was losing that time. He did get me after Vegas, popping out of his room with my sweet AT&T shirt. In all I saw a lot of incredible things as a result of those three in that house. Murph met a gypsy and was almost shot by Josh while attempting a Cincinnati Shift, and we saw a many number of things. Crater Lake was the absolute cool, only to be surpassed by Nickel Creek (not the band?) where I saw more stars than I ever had in all my life. This past trip was bitter sweet for me, because I should have come to Portland at the end instead of the beginning. I do apologize for it being sort of a bland trip although my favorite part was actually sitting and talking to Jared over picnic tables and fires in places I’d never been. I was so glad that he decided to come to Monterey, and I trust that he is too. Josh took Murph and I to an odd carnival on my birthday last year, and while I am deftly afraid of any type of amusement ride, I was happy to go on two rickety and rusted roller coasters. We also took a canoe out on the Willamette (always float your wagon down it at the end of OT) and got buzzed by a submarine and a class of 10-year-old kayakers. And Null? Well, he was there for it all. Thanks for all the sweet kebobs and briskets over the years and I hope that one day New Null still exists somewhere in this world. I am truly saddened that Molly will not see that house, unless Josh decides to squat in the attic for a few decades. After filling up 76 water balloons, I carried the full yellow recycling bin up the basement stairs only to be crushed by the low hanging ceiling. I am quite sure I sustained a concussion and had a cut that definitely needed stiches. Luckily my thinning mop covered it up and I was free to continue drinking Hamm’s and Sailor Jerry (Yerry!) with Sam’s Choice Cola. I miss that house, especially at times like this, normal lulls in bland weeks. I’d love to just pop in, pour a glass of apple cider and watch the NFL’s Hungriest Men. Or Illusions of Retard Strength. I salute you three for creating a dynamic that so many people fail to. You moved to Portland with the best of intentions and look what happened. For 2 years you existed as one and realized the dream. I will miss that house with a great guest bedroom that includes plenty to read. Thanks for always opening your doors and God will I miss that short right field.

Hey man, I saw you from afar at the Ratdog/Allman Brother’s Show on Sunday at Darien Lake. Looked like you were having a good time.

My firewire port is fried and I can’t make babies; gotta create something.

Jerry Gets Down! from Yolutwin and Vimeo.

Let’s make this a recurring thing.

Gas Station at the End of the Earth

Another year, another ‘teen.

And as with every surly gathering, we are never short on inside jokes and ridiculous shit that was incessantly repeated throughout. Annoying and alienating to everyone around us, but so goddamn funny to the rest of us.

So without further ado, here they be:

1. Dat’s Suicide…. Ehhhhhhhh!
2. But Before I do…
3. A Bridge to the next Charles!
4. I like my women how I like my shirts, Hawaiian!
5. So much CHEEEEEEERS!
6. Cory: I don’t know, man. Charles: Why not, Cory? Cuz there’s GIRLS there!?!
7. Nobody criticizes Shaq for making a layup
8. Hey! You tricked me! WWWWWWhat a Niiiight!

Of course, these only make sense to those of us who attended. For you jokers who didn’t show, there’s always next year.

It’s sad to say, but fall is creeping around the corner like Cory’s van at a middle school playground. What that means to all of us is that I’ll soon have some extra time on my hands to make some improvements to the site. In the comments here, toss out some (real) ideas as to what you’d like to see. Here are a few that I have:

• - Image galleries
• - Embedded audio player
• - “Reply To” comments
• - Avatars and a personalized page for every subscriber/author

I’ll probably shoot down most of your ideas because adding the ability to shock Wade every time we press the space bar is just too much work for me to be doing for free. But hey, it’s worth a shock.

joshua: Stuuckeys! with two ‘u’s

how’s the office? I can’t believe you have friday off.

i should kill your face

Sent at 10:07 AM on Wednesday

joshua: or slap your balls

the one at least

are you coming in here for lunch?

nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

me: why are you always wanting to slap a dude’s balls?

joshua: because i’m gay!

duh

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